Тask_2_essay Potemkina Ekaterina
Appearance in our days (WExp) > nowadays has become almost the most important aspect of our lives and many people(,) are increasingly using the services of a cosmetic surgeon to improve their apperience (Sp). However, opinions about plastic surgery differed (WTense). Some WHO? believe that plastic surgery in any case is not dangerous(,) and even useful, because it helps people to keep their beauty and youth longer. ART Оthers, on the contrary, believe that a person after ART plastic surgery changes, but changes for the worse._(P) People still argue about whether there is false beauty or not. So who is right ? Let's see (Thesis St-t)
On the one hand, with the help of plastic surgery you can really improve your appearance ,to (P) like not to others, but to yourself . (P) Аs you know, people feel more confident if they like themselves, as they say, to please others, you need to like yourself first.__And in many cases it works.__Аs they say in an old proverb meet on clothes and escorted on mind therefore before important events people try to show themselves in the best possible way . In addition, there are situations in which plastic surgery is a real salvation__For example, in case of accidents, severe burns, etc. (Fragment)
On the other hand, plastic surgery has many disadvantages. The first and most important drawback is the (art) possible complications. Unfortunately, there is nothing perfect in the world, so no one can give you a one hundred percent guarantee of a successful result__there (Cap: it's a new sentence) are situations in which people (most often girls) are addicted to operations and make irreparable mistakes, which, after a time much regret (Fragment). Another disadvantage is stress. Stress can be both the human body and its Central nervous system. There are cases when the client after ART surgery for another week is depressed. (Word Order) Here the reason may be a reflection in the mirror, becausefor a full recovery takes time. It can also be a disagreement of physical changes, because the aging process is not only an external manifestation, but also an (art) internal one.
So, plastic surgery in some cases is really an indispensable thing (Style). However, it is necessary to resort to its help carefully, wisely.This is not the case when more is better . It is better to think a few times whether you really need plastic surgery than then bitterly regret it.
Comments:
Meaning not clear: like not to others, but to yourself: check this because there's a problem with how the sentence structure
Not clear: Stress can be both the human body and its Central nervous system Can be both what?
Not clear: be a disagreement of physical changes
Punctuation: I've marked the places where you need to have space b/w words __. Please, remember about it. You are writing an academic paper, not a text message on your mobile
Content: 3.5
Organisation 3
Mechanics: 3
Language: 4
On the one hand, with the help of plastic surgery you can really improve your appearance ,to (P) like not to others, but to yourself . (P) Аs you know, people feel more confident if they like themselves, as they say, to please others, you need to like yourself first.__And in many cases it works.__Аs they say in an old proverb meet on clothes and escorted on mind therefore before important events people try to show themselves in the best possible way . In addition, there are situations in which plastic surgery is a real salvation__For example, in case of accidents, severe burns, etc. (Fragment)
On the other hand, plastic surgery has many disadvantages. The first and most important drawback is the (art) possible complications. Unfortunately, there is nothing perfect in the world, so no one can give you a one hundred percent guarantee of a successful result__there (Cap: it's a new sentence) are situations in which people (most often girls) are addicted to operations and make irreparable mistakes, which, after a time much regret (Fragment). Another disadvantage is stress. Stress can be both the human body and its Central nervous system. There are cases when the client after ART surgery for another week is depressed. (Word Order) Here the reason may be a reflection in the mirror, because
So, plastic surgery in some cases is really an indispensable thing (Style). However, it is necessary to resort to its help carefully, wisely.This is not the case when more is better . It is better to think a few times whether you really need plastic surgery than then bitterly regret it.
Comments:
Meaning not clear: like not to others, but to yourself: check this because there's a problem with how the sentence structure
Not clear: Stress can be both the human body and its Central nervous system Can be both what?
Not clear: be a disagreement of physical changes
Punctuation: I've marked the places where you need to have space b/w words __. Please, remember about it. You are writing an academic paper, not a text message on your mobile
Content: 3.5
Organisation 3
Mechanics: 3
Language: 4
Hello Katya,
ReplyDeletewhen did you publish this essay? I am asking because according to the date above you have done it today, March 17. Is this correct? I was a bit surprised because I thought we agreed to skip the discussion of this topic for now.
You have developed the essay's topic well enough, with relevant supporting evidence illustrating your points. However, below are the points for you to consider:
ReplyDeleteThesis statement: People still argue about whether there is false beauty or not. So who is right ? Let's see > should be revised because it cannot be a question, while part of yours is
Appearance in our days: WExp > nowadays
Sp: apperience
However, opinions about plastic surgery differed: why have you used the Past tense? Have they changed?
It can also be a disagreement of physical changes, because the aging process is not only an external manifestation, but also an internal one: not clear what you mean by the disagreement of physical changes > disagreement with what?
because ***for (PREP) a full recovery takes time
an indispensable ***thing STYLE
Content: 5
DeleteOrganisation: 4.5 (the thesis st-t can be improved)
Language: 4
Mechanics: 4