Draft of essay


       How Smartphone affects the psychology of young adults?

    In our high-tech age it is really difficult to imagine our life without gadgets,  especially without a smartphone. We never let it out of our hands, because it contains all our life. Calls, messages, social networks, photos, plans... In our time, no surprise that a small child can use a smartphone. However, it is believed that these gadgets are bad for our psychology, especially of  young adults. Is it true? How smartphone affects the psychology of young adults? (1)
  
    At first, as we know, (2) teens are more vulnerable than adults to different addictions. As the article says, at the age of 10, teenagers start using a smartphone. Subsequently, they become tech addicted. In adolescence teenagers have problems with self-control, they are  concerned with social status and popularity, so the phone becomes even more attractive under those circumstances, said Jean Twenge, professor of psychology.  Giving a child a smartphone can be likened to "giving them a gram of cocaine." (Ref.?)

    Secondly, too much screen-time has been linked to loneliness and depression of young adults. As we can read in the article :" (P)Twenge agrees with recent research linking smartphone use among young people to sleep disruption, loneliness, anxiety, depression and even increased risk of suicide."  (Ref?) Teenagers lose their communication skills, communicating through social networks. Online communicating cannot substitute for face-to-face interaction with other people. Due to the fact that the teens started spending more time on their phones and refused to spend time with the (ART) real friends happiness goes down. It really influences on (PREP) their mental health that fell off . Also, usage (WW) of the smartphones affects the sleep. Teens don't sleep enough, so they easily get depressed.

    To sum up, smartphones badly affect (the) (ART) adolescence's psychology. It can lead to such consequences as sleep disruption, loneliness, anxiety and depression.

Notes: The thesis statement CANNOT be a question: 
Картинки по запросу thesis statement can be a questionRemember, a thesis states your position on your topic. A question cannot state anything because it is not a statement. A question is a great lead in to athesis, but it can't be the thesis.
(https://www.roanestate.edu/owl/Thesis-Statements.html). Accessed 14.04.2019
2. You have not indicated the references to the resources you have used
3. Concluding paragraph should be developed: it cannot be just 2 sentences; use one of the techniques for writing conclusions you can access at http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/conclude.html (Accessed: 15.04.2019).   

Comments

  1. In our time (WExp), no surprise (intro phrase w 'it' missing) that a small child can use a smartphone.
    The thesis statement
    influence: prep use
    influences on their mental health that fell off (Exp)
    **usage (WW) of the smartphones (Sp) affects the sleep. Teens don't sleep enough, so they easily get depressed > statistics?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lera,

    I've commented on your draft in its body and below. Look through my comments and see if you have have any questions about them. Let me know if you do.

    ReplyDelete

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